i am tearing this letter apart

2009-06-16T18:54:00.003+08:00

today. yes the 16th of june 2009.

well, my life got very nearly taken away.

okay so went to get the car serviced. then the service personnel called me for a test ride. to figure out the suspension problem i told my dad to report about. so we went along alexandria road. and the serviceman revved the car very nearly to the redline. and the 2 ton heavy car just sped off like denise looking for her crumpler. and then. he took his hands off the steering wheel.

D:

but at least he did slow down before the traffic light.

and as i came back from dinner just now, i saw this old uncle at the phone booth.

wait.

with two earrings on his right lobe. and they sorta look like fake diamonds. when you're old with saggy skin. dont wear earrings. they look like crap.

michelle's still in italy on the pretext of a medical conference. you stupid lit whacko. i want my gelato.

2009-06-11T22:07:00.002+08:00

i really do want to hit someone really bad. like. what a jerk.

and after all the times i bailed him out of trouble, he gets into it AGAIN.

seriously. can you stop messing around with all my friends? even your sister isnt standing on your side this time.

2009-06-10T17:59:00.001+08:00

probably the best video i've seen in all my life.

*edi* i'll nicely credit cheryl for the video.

2009-06-08T22:16:00.003+08:00

it's actually quite amazing to find out that i haven't been here for nearly 4 months. well, yeah i think i've been losing track of life recently.

lots of stuff have gone by. like nationals and exco elections. and i'm finally done with my photog duty. not to mention that CTs are approaching in less than 3 weeks. yeah i know i've been quite cold and hot-headed these past few weeks. forgive me for that. i've havent been feeling myself

anyhow, at least i concluded my terms in exco. two whole terms. rollercoaster ride for sure, but at least it's over.

yeah NUSIS is in like...
4 days.

and i actually seriously havent trained. ohwells. shooting aint much of a priority these days. i can only think about it after CTs. at least there's some security that i'll still be in school.

congrates to the people who have made in into exco for the first time.

cheryl, wenying, xu yang, jeremy

and congrats to those who have been around for one whole term before.

feli, fiona, verene

ah wells. it's quite a funny feeling that you're done with what you've done for the past two years.

2009-02-15T21:59:00.003+08:00

sometimes, stuff just hit you from no where.

as much as i can recall (maybe i really forgot i said it), i dont remember telling him not to tell you about it. i know you didnt leak it out the previous time, but yeah.
so maybe it was really my fault. i know you can keep secrets, so i admit this was a mistake on my part. i didnt meant for you to not know about it, neither for linh not to know about it.

well, since you're in no mood to listen to me now, nor will you be in any mood to listen to me tomorrow, i'm here just to say what i need to say.

you'll read it if you want to. so yeah. sorry for what happened.

2009-02-15T16:45:00.001+08:00

screw man

studied for two whole months

and all i got was 1850 / 2400 for SATs

640 / 800 for critcal reading

700 / 800 for math

510 / 800 for writing

wtf

i am so going to retake it.

2009-02-11T21:12:00.002+08:00

Rachelllllle! gosh damn screwd says (9:07 PM):
*how did it spoil??!

Rachelllllle! gosh damn screwd says (9:07 PM):
*GOSH

and you'll always be my thunder says (9:07 PM):
*dunno

and you'll always be my thunder says (9:07 PM):
*must be you luh

Rachelllllle! gosh damn screwd says (9:08 PM):
*EHHHHHHH!!!

Rachelllllle! gosh damn screwd says (9:08 PM):
*cos i was too fabulous right???

Rachelllllle! gosh damn screwd says (9:08 PM):
*HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH

and you'll always be my thunder says (9:08 PM):
*no?

and you'll always be my thunder says (9:08 PM):
*too unglam

and you'll always be my thunder says (9:08 PM):
*then it cried

Rachelllllle! gosh damn screwd says (9:08 PM):
*WADD??!?!?

Rachelllllle! gosh damn screwd says (9:09 PM):
*i tell u it just misses my awesome face

Rachelllllle! gosh damn screwd says (9:09 PM):
*HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH

i wanna cry

2009-02-11T20:53:00.002+08:00

i wanna rant rant rant rant.

my lens died on me today. after ziyi said it will crack taking pictures of shanice.

and it really died.

STUPID ZIYI.

but at least there's a 4 year warranty, so it isnt too bad.

oh yes back to the main topic. ORIENTATION

spent most of the week taking photos. but it was fun

afterall, how many times can you catch rachelle doing unglam stuff.

oh and showdown was fun too. except i kept getting wet. thanks to people who dont understand "do not throw at the photographers!"

anyhow, i just found a few people who take the exact same combi as me. cool right.

2009-01-31T22:59:00.001+08:00

and nothing spoils a weekend faster than pure ignorance and denial

2009-01-29T15:19:00.002+08:00

and nothing beats a nice birthday present like recognition from a person long lost.

yeah stoning in BYTZ with cara.

cara's taking psychology tests now. o.O saw something that goes along the line of "do i have an eating disorder?"

haha okay she so doesnt. many will die to be like her

or will die being her.

anyhow, week's been really boring so far. my aunt said that those born in the year of the goat are down on luck for the next lunar calendar year.

shits. i've been losing at the cards lately. prophecy coming true?

i want my ipod nano. preferbly in pink, green or orange.

and as much as i want to have all the things in the world, one thing stands out most.

world peace.

yeah i'm seriously not kidding when i said that.

(okay cara is really freaking me out. she googled "maniac depression; diagnostic tests")

who really cares about what you have when you lack happiness?

i'll give up the world for happiness. i'll really do.

perhaps the only thing that i've been lacking these past few years is true happiness

and we look into the sunset,
stolen memories shine before us

2009-01-28T10:13:00.002+08:00

and if everything defies the laws of nature,
probably you're only thing that will stay true
awake and living through all ages
a moment that will never change

and if i do forget
may i stand reminded
of the one
and only one

2009-01-23T22:02:00.002+08:00

ONE VERY IMPORTANT REASON WHY NOT TO HAVE BRENDAN LIM IN YOUR CONTACT LIST

the message says: "hi babe... Get in here! See the leg-spreading photos of me just craving it right now :)"

2009-01-20T21:32:00.001+08:00

yeah my body is freaking hurting now. thanks to gym

anyway, happy bday, hieu. (:

next few birthdays

21st jan: ren jean
24th jan: cara, gayle
30th jan: ME, shuyi

2009-01-19T19:50:00.000+08:00

YEAH I RIPPED MY PANTS

SO WHAT

2009-01-17T19:10:00.002+08:00

and probably the only thing that hurts is a paragraph of words shaped in an arrow shot straight into the heart.

2009-01-17T10:59:00.002+08:00

if people can remain happy, i dont mind doing anything.

be it sacrificing myself or money.

maybe my disappearance is key.

2009-01-16T22:13:00.001+08:00

"maybe i'll be better off dead, together with the other bastards of society."

2009-01-16T21:59:00.002+08:00

mood: dont come near me. i will implode

Never ruin an apology with an excuse. ~Kimberly Johnson

i shant say anything about today. in other words, i dont want to screw myself further

2009-01-16T20:14:00.001+08:00

when i told you to predict the last scene,
what is your answer to a question long forgetten?
take it step by step,
remember memories lost for eternity.

and if living means waiting for nothing,
will you please ride home with me tonight?
nobody's forcing, nobody's badgering
just a silent plea from a voice long lost.

2009-01-12T20:33:00.002+08:00

a quote for those who know whom it's for

"Fractures well cured make us more strong."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

2009-01-11T16:37:00.000+08:00

i do realise that i havent been here for a long time.

oh wells. school's starting tomorrow, and i need to get my schedule. all i know so far is that i have math everyday. i suppose i have no lessons for the rest of my subjects. not even chinese.

anyway, good luck to all those receiving o level results tomorrow.

okay list of people who are turning 17 soon

18th: lisa
24th: cara and gayle
30th: ME!

okay listen up. i want my presents! if not dont expect me to get yours too.

with the exception of gayle and belle.

lisa, thinking of your present is giving me headaches.

there's some stupid nutcase who kept calling the house number this morning at 1am. well, when mum picked up, the call dropped. and the phone rang 15 times dammit. stupid asshole. i couldnt sleep thanks to that person.

michelle's just got her laptop for 399 pounds. and she's a total computer dinosaur i tell you.

alright enough ranting.

haha for those in hostel reading this, have fun :P

2008-12-30T22:00:00.002+08:00

yeah it's the time of the year for an epic post.

fine i admit i miss michelle. maybe it's at times like this when you really start to miss those people close to you.

well, i've been spending this past two months doing reflections. and i realised something important that people tend to miss out.

have we ever wondered whether we are now treading the path that is meant for us. is this what we really want? is the ending what we really expect it to be? do we really know what obstacles we will be encountering?

frankly, for certain issues, i may have made the wrong decisions, mainly fuelled by emotions rather than facts. yet all these are irreversable. time has past. we have to move on

cherish whatever there is left of the year.

happy holidays.

2008-12-29T20:27:00.001+08:00

apple safari is pissing me off. keeps hanging

anyway people. it's time to give me a pat on my back for all the efforts in slacking for the whole holidays.

i've finally gained weight

well, gaining 1kg still counts.

haha well, slacking at home hasnt been much fun without people to crap to. yes lisa, you ought to be mentioned here. and ethel and belle.

michelle's flying back to the UK tomomorrow morning, so wait for more picts of changi airport.

yes i've realised that i've been a shutterbug lately.

hell i cant wait for school to start again. miss you guys loads.

2008-12-24T18:58:00.001+08:00

I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you

merry christmas people

special thanks to:
josh
belle
lisa
ethel
sherryn
xinyi
annabelle

2008-12-22T20:40:00.002+08:00

We won't say our goodbyes you know it's better that way
We won't break, we won't die
It's just a moment of change
All we are, all we are, is everything that's right
All we need, all we need, a lover's alibi

finally done with peiyun's wedding

:)

i'll talk about it another day. really tired today

2008-12-16T10:43:00.002+08:00

Give me an evening, or give me a night.
I'll show you the time, of your life.
I'll walk you home safe, from the dark.
I'll give you my jacket, I'll give you my heart.
But she won't come dancing tonight, She's having the time of her life

realised i havent been here in a rather long time.

ohwells yeah sorta been out photographing these days. still a little rusty on those skills.

oh someone remind me to post the sunrise picts i have.

if anyone has a bucket of ice cream, send a ring. i need it.

2008-12-09T18:05:00.002+08:00

Until the world won't turn
'Til the planets burn
Until the sun dies I'll be there
Until the heavens come
'Til this life is done
Until the world dies I'll be there

okay i need to update my christmas wishlist

Canon EF 70-200mm f2.8 L IS USM. costs 3k. any bidders?

2008-12-06T12:13:00.001+08:00

mum's watching a yoga video now. wtf?

oh a dog waltzed in the house today. bet it was hungry. i was busy watching hiroshima on discovery channel. once i was done, i turned towards the dining table and saw the dog next to it. at first, i thought i was actually dreaming for once. but it was already 10 in the morning. so yeah coaxed the dog out of the house and back to its home.

it belonged to the family that stays at unit 38. so that's 10 houses away.

2008-12-04T22:04:00.002+08:00

yeah just received a reminder that this place is dead. dying.

yes and i finally got my camera. :D

doesnt she look pretty??

anyhow, michelle wants to go to the zoo when she gets back from warwick. so yeah i finally get to try her out properly.

sherryn wants santa clause next to her.

i need santa too.

Saying Goodbye

2008-11-22T21:04:00.002+08:00

dandelions on palms,
running through strawberry fields.
as we watch another autuumn sunset,
remembering how we said goodbye.

climbing up to treetops,
looking out at dusk.
time still ticking,
the end is drawing near.

winter befalls,
slick frozen lakes.
days get shorter,
waiting for salvation.

stolen archives,
piercing pain,
what am i waiting,
liberation or death?

2008-11-14T14:10:00.002+08:00

as we live our seperate lives, have we ever wondered whether life could be better? perhaps not radically changing it, but improving the situation.

maybe just being slightly more understanding , putting in a little more effort or going an extra mile.

everyone says don't ever regret your decisions, but can we really achieve that? can we reach a stage where consequences do not matter? can we forget about our wrongdoings and keep moving on? can we live with the consequences of our actions and keep on smiling for the rest of our lives? can we?

time never turns back. make your decisions wisely and do not regret them.

2008-11-13T16:53:00.002+08:00

Father in Heaven, i pray that you'll grant us strength. Strength to overcome obstacles, to ride out the waves, and to even out the rough patches in our pathways of life. it's not just one person in trouble today, Lord. everyone is involved, be it children who risk not being able to go to school or elderly without savings to retire. yes people do not cherish the fruits of their success until they meet with difficulties, difficulties which threaten to erase the glory of their hard work, their blood and tears. i pray that the oceans will be calm again and that peace will return to the world.

i pray all of this in Jesus's name.

Amen

2008-11-08T22:33:00.004+08:00

really, what the fuck were they doing out there on the pitch? against a weakened team like them.

talk about not grabbing the chances

2008-11-02T20:24:00.000+08:00

Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say.
I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.
For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took,
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?
(I'm not okay)
I've told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means
(I'm not okay)
To be a joke and look, another line without a hook
I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out

Forget about the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
You said you read me like a book, but the pages all are torn and frayed

I'm okay
I'm okay!
I'm okay, now
(I'm okay, now)

But you really need to listen to me
Because I'm telling you the truth
I mean this, I'm okay!
(Trust Me)

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
Well, I'm not okay
I'm not o-fucking-kay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
(Okay)

2008-10-30T21:51:00.000+08:00

Yes people do trample on you when you’re down and out.

Let’s face it. Everyone is multi-faceted. Nice and friendly on one side, bitchy on the other. That is the truth. No point running away from it. Finding someone who is without a façade is absolutely impossible. The chances of finding one are nearly as remote as finding an elixir of life.

Even the people who you trust the most can betray you too. Those who you think will stick with you no matter what happens, those who you can always depend on whenever you need someone to talk to. Yes they are also prone to disposing you whenever you no longer fit in somehow. They are humans. This is a natural human behaviour. Face it. Fair-weather friends always exist wherever civilisation stamps its footprints.

Even through your darkest hours, as you struggle to find a pillar for support, as you struggle to even find a slim ray of hope, direction and enlightenment, there will always be people who brush you aside. No matter how much you’ve contributed in anyway, no matter how much you’ve helped others in different way, results count. As long as you don’t fit in anywhere, you’re out. Humans are that selfish and arrogant.

And if you ask me if people can be trusted, my advice: don’t put too much hope. If you do find one who is trustworthy, take it.

And cherish it.

As you walk down the pathway of your life, take some time to look at the people around you. Have a look at the cruel reality of arrogance. Appreciate your successes better as what you have now may just disappear in a blink of an eye. Screw how much you’ve started off with, how much potential you have. One wrong step, you’re gone.

I don’t really care if you hate what I say. Screw it. I don’t need people who hate my guts to show concern.

2008-10-29T20:59:00.003+08:00

if you want to find out the truth, just ask

yes reality is that cruel.

they dont care what you've done outside the classroom
they dont care how much you've improved
they dont care about anything you've done
they just want to see the checklist ticked

you dont need three strikes to get struck out. just one will do

2008-10-27T17:39:00.001+08:00

freak didnt realise that lockers needed to be cleared by friday. i was intending to clear it tomorrow.

ohwells.

2008-10-25T15:08:00.003+08:00

I am not afraid to keep on trying
I am not afraid to face this all alone
Honey if you say, a chance you're given
Nothing you can say can stop me walking on

2008-10-20T21:11:00.001+08:00

my heart's beating faster

2008-10-15T17:43:00.001+08:00

doesnt the new macbook look good?

too bad it's $2088

at least it's on a christmas wishlist. (:

2008-10-10T20:27:00.002+08:00

how do we actually measure success?

results? growth? profits?

do we take into consideration the ending points? or do we just look at the process?

which is actually considered more successful?

callow adolescents with absolute brilliance in everything they do or youths with a mindset to do something worthwhile, something useful, something with value?

are people being misunderstood here? do we judge students as commendable by looking at grades or taking a closer look at extra curricular activities? those who actually spend all their time, if not most, to try and change something for the better in school?

are we being looked at on the surface or deeper below?

2008-10-01T11:11:00.001+08:00

haha hieu was being stupid

-looking at the breast cancer awareness booth at wisma-

hieu: "i dont care about breast cancer. i care about breasts"

2008-09-22T19:28:00.002+08:00

i've really lost the mood to talk to people these days.

this week's been rather sad. so many closures, so many sad endings.

michelle's leaving the house in 30mins. i'll be seeing her in another 3 months though, so yeah. not too bad

the final homestand game played at yankee stadium ended in a 7-3 victory over the orioles. it kinda pains me to look at a stadium that i've loved close after 85 years of baseball. and i wasnt there for the final game. :( 4 years back, when i was there on a visit, i chose not to take a tour of the stadium. and the only memorabilia that i have is the yankee jacket i bought from the stadium store. i dont think i'm ever going to wear it again, now that yankee stadium's closing.

to the house that Babe Ruth built.

exams are starting in two days.

2008-09-21T15:21:00.001+08:00

yeah i just got knocked out for over an hour. best sleep i've ever had. haha.

9 more days. 9 more days

2008-09-20T21:35:00.002+08:00

i am getting rather unhappy with all these bitching sessions going around.

please get a life.

get your facts right, stop distorting the truth and stop getting others all unhappy. there wont be an end to all these if this continues.

now i understand why he left you.

2008-09-13T20:14:00.002+08:00

someone's unhappy that i ate her omelette. haha

anyhow, spent my mice week having detention in school. =/ sounds stupid, doesnt it? ohwells it ends on friday, so i can still tolerate it. haha

lunch yesterday was one of the most retarded lunches ever. french-kissing me? eeeee.

doesnt she look pretty? haha

back to studying again. =(

2008-09-11T21:55:00.003+08:00

we live to watch another sunrise

countdown to 13

2008-09-10T20:48:00.001+08:00

someone help me choose?

2008-09-05T09:04:00.004+08:00

on the other side
snowflakes
on this side
raindrops

crying over here
dropping from high above
winds blowing
faces tearing

5 years it has been
changes plenty
feelings, none
yes i miss them so much

6095 miles seperate us
oceans, mountains, land
memories remain
memories they are

kids we were back then
nothing but time on our hands
two weeks, 14 days
were the best times of my life

5 years on
we look back
she a tennis star, him cool kid on the block
me, i dont know

2008-09-04T23:23:00.002+08:00

the sun rose,
the sun set.

leaves of green
roses so red
sky of blue
breeze so cool

no one to bother
no one to disturb
no one to listen to
no one to talk to

looking up
shutter release
picture perfect
memory captured forever

waiting
still waiting
not time yet
continue waiting

my finger is still waiting on the shutter

2008-09-04T22:30:00.002+08:00

i've got this stupid cut underneath my tongue. (dont ask how i actually got it)
and NO I HAVE NOT CONTRACTED A STD.

You See the World Through Green Colored Glasses

You live your life with generosity. You feel like your life is abundant, and you are very giving toward those around you.

You judge all your interactions through the lens of harmony. You figure you have something to learn from everyone, and you listen well.

You face challenges with a persistent attitude. You can see the prize at the end of the road, and you have the strength to get there.

You see love as the utmost expression of self-esteem. You have to love yourself before you can truly love someone else.

At your worst, you are greedy and selfish. You love money more than you'd like to admit.

You are happiest when you are in nature. You appreciate the feeling of balance that being outdoors brings you.

What Color Glasses Do You See the World Through?

2008-09-02T19:46:00.002+08:00

looking in the mirror
what is that?
looking closer
not skinny, not fat.

i dont see myself in the mirror.
yes i dont.
is that for the worse or the better?
knowing that, i wont.

summers arrive
colours so vivid
the sad life i live
dull, ever so torrid

2008-09-01T18:49:00.003+08:00

What was that about the ballroom dancing class I asked about
It's all I thought about cuz you were saying
We might get a chance to talk and talk might lead to dancing
maybe dance might lead to dates dates to aging

Hope you let your intuition
precede my reputation
cause i have one

Well I am what you see
I am not what they say
but if I turned out to be
could you love me anyway
I'm standing in anonymous
hoping your heart
will just wake up and ask for me by name
Maybe someday you will ask for me by name
just not today

Well if this is love then it's hard to say
but the notes in your books and your reaching away
and I've confidence issues with your intentions
And I'm not hip to all of your tricks
but your algebra your politics
and the band has planned a hotel intervention

So don't you leave me by my lonesome
to exceed my reputation
cause i have one

Well I am what you see
I am not what they say
but if I turned out to be
could you love me anyway
Stading anonymous
hoping your heart
will just wake up to ask for me by name
Maybe someday you will ask for me by name
just not today

I'm always here
I've walked you home
and headed for my own
until again i'm needed

Well I am what you see
I am not what they say
but if I turned out to be
could you love me anyways

I am what you see
I am not what they say
but if I turned out to be
could you love me anyway
Standing anonymous
hoping your heart
we'll just wake up and ask for me by name
Maybe someday you will ask for me by name
just not today

Not today

2008-09-01T15:26:00.002+08:00

still waiting, yes i am
understanding, what i want
a pearl hidden in a clam
ever be seen, it shant.

for it, my feelings shall stay
split us apart, it will fail
protect it, i will say
cus without it, it's just like jail.

why, why must she leave
because she is who she is?
i simply cannot believe
forever, i will oppose this.

outrage it is, absolute
no one understands, no one ever does
my will stands resolute
no one can seperate us.

2008-08-31T13:26:00.000+08:00

i sit by the window
looking out into the sky.
confidence, all time low
waiting for that moment to fly.

"start moving" all that i hear
staring blankly, what to do?
time is running out, dear
even she mocks you too.

2008-08-30T21:16:00.000+08:00

the new external hard drive is here and i'm busy backing up all the data on the laptop.
anyone with spare museum exhibit space to spare? this baby needs a new home.

my phone's starts hanging now and then and it's really getting onto my nerves. i only bought it on the 21st of august and barely two weeks after, it starts dying. grr. i just restarted it because the stupid walkman function isnt working. >=(

lisa tried to buy a pack of condoms for her bio project and she got denied. apparently, the legal age for sex is 16 while the legal age for purchasing contraception is 18. so much for prevention against sexually transmitted diseases.

mi debate was sorta okay. not everyone got to speak much cus we only had a period. that sucks. but we defended the UN side rather well. at least we didnt die a horrible death X)

oh and i got a B for that 10% integration lecture quiz. (12/20)

the mini party at qian yu's house yesterday was da bomb. haha we played badminton for 3 hours and my body's aching now. had a short dip in the pool while wang han ran 5km in preparation for the human race tomorrow.

ultimate bane to society = two noisy bitches at home